i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
