I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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