I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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