I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
