...so i touched it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
