we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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