could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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