Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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