How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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