yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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