If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
