I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
