You're so nebulous sometimes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
