dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You ruined the universe
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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