trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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