you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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