So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
