It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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