u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
