I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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