drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
