She is in my trunk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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