I didn't shave. On purpose
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
