I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
