So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
