she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
