thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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