Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
