batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
