Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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