Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
