apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You made out with two different species that night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
