he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
