Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Terrible idea I love it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
