3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
