No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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