I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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