like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
