The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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