HIV tests are more positive than that guy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
