I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
