I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
