We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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