will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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