I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
