Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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