Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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