I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
