I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
