You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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