Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
