You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
