I think I am morally bankrupt
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
