some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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