yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
